The hard war that Art is
I started to read the WAR of ART by Steven Pressfield.
I came to think that most of my problems only comes from Resistance. This force between what I want to be and what I am today. This force that prevent me to create. That thing that always find a way to sabotage me.
At the beginning I was septic about the content of this book. Should I really just try to do something everyday? Even if it's trash? Even if I end up never using what I've created? Will it really make a difference?
Does this force really keep me away from my dreams? Does it really conspire to make everything harder for me? I thought that it didn't really affect me. That I wasn't really concerned.
I've been staring at my screen for 30 minutes now. While telling myself all of this. A feeling of doom and gloom started to grow inside me. It's always painful to live with those regrets. The pain of not achieving is always fresh in my mind. This feeling never gets old.
I started to take it more seriously. To really think of it.
This sensation conquered every aspect of my life. I've never written a single word for my stories. I didn't pick up a pencil to draw since months. It's been weeks since I didn't take my online courses. When was the last time I've messaged my high-school friends? Why can't I publish my personal wiki?
Resistance is winning most battles. It's winning the War right now. I didn't do a thing to prevent that. I wasn't even aware of this war.
That's scary. I don't want that. Screw Resistance. I'm fighting it now. I want to win this war.
I can't fight on all front at the same time. It would divide my power. I should think of my strategy. Choose what battle to win in what order.
The most important ones being those I fear the most. Like my stories that I was always scared to start. Or my Digital Garden I am so ashamed of. Those two battles will be the ones I will fight for.
It won't be easy. It will not always be fun. But I will show up everyday. Each day count.